Your Work is Also Work, it’s Not a Hobby

Lalita Iyer quit work to be with her son and started blogging at mommygolightly. She returned to work as managing editor of Filmfare when she found herself missing the buzz of a workplace. The author of I’m Pregnant, Not Terminally Ill, You Idiot! Believes that women have no business complaining that no one’s hiring them if they go into mommy slumberland and wake up only after five years.

Why I’m Pregnant, Not Terminally Ill, You Idiot!? Because I needed a space to tell the truth. Because I wanted to dispel the rose-tinted vision of pregnancy and after that the world is trying to sell us. Because it is important to be informed and empowered before you take the plunge. And the clinical books don’t tell you that, because they are busy focusing on the baby, not on you. Pregnancy is a life-altering experience and not always in a good way. Mommys-to-be should examine the larger things rather than the smaller things like baby weight, how much have you put on, what to eat, etc.

How do things change? First of all, work, if that defines you. It may become necessary to re-examine your work-life balance. Your relationships with people get redefined. Friends, family, colleagues, social life, everything acquires a patina of “she is a mommy now”. You may begin to spend more time with people you never thought you had anything in common with. There’s a whole new “friendship by baby” thing.

I was lucky I could write, and kept writing. But for most women whose skill sets require them to go out, the being “bonded by baby”, at least in the first year, can be debilitating and can lower self-esteem, confidence and other things. It is important to know where you stand.

Returning to full-time work. I think I was missing the buzz of an organisation, the discussions, the camaraderie that comes with work, colleagues and all of that. I also realised that I needed my space and was not able to define boundaries at home. Besides, when you are working from home, it’s harder to get the spouse involved. Personally, I felt it was harder to work from home, as one is always divided and there is never a clean break with regards to space and “things to do”.

Weaning the child off. I was with my son for four years, before I decided to return to work. The thing is to make the transition as slow and gradual as possible. I started with being away for an hour and increased it to four hours and then gradually half a day. Till the time he got used to seeing me drop him to school and then have me pick him up in the evening from his daycare. The daycare allowed me to wean him off gradually – I could hang around for the first few days, then be away but around, and then be totally away. Take one baby step at a time. If you don’t start, you will never know.

The partner’s involvement. It’s very important, and very underrated. I think husbands need to know and understand that your work is also work; it’s not a hobby, it’s not something you can do at leisure. Childcare should be a priority for men as well. Why are only women redefining their paths? This is a dialogue that needs to happen early on in the marriage.