You Don't Love Me Any More...

“You don’t look at me anymore”

“When was the last time you said you loved me?”

“See! You didn’t even notice my new ear-rings!”

Bloody familiar, isn’t it?

Welcome to the “Men trying to decipher women forum”. Yours truly is proud to be associated with this elite group that is making conscious efforts to understand women’s psychology.

Why are women so vocal with their emotions? What keeps the men from being the same? Is it the male ego versus the woman’s need for reassurance?

Now, these are tough questions to answer and much like attempting to scale Mt Everest without an oxygen cylinder. Clearly, only the adventurous and exceedingly brave should attempt this.

Having said this, I did speak to a few women to understand this phenomenon and the ‘WHY’ behind this outburst of emotion every now and then. What followed was a highly analytical explanation on how and why this unfolds, as often as several times in any given week.

Contrary to what my women readers may think, I did listen patiently and have now come to the conclusion that it’s not an oestrogen linked issue.

This is about the stereotypical roles we are meant to play in society. Ingrained in us from the embryo stage, the woman is supposed to be the eternal caregiver and homemaker, while the man is meant to resemble The Rock of Gibraltar and never emit even a whimper in emotion.

It’s a different matter that most of us men are probably weaker than women in many situations of life. We just need to be there, broad shouldered (if you don’t have those, just pull in your tummy and look tough!) and not bat an eyelid, no matter if the sky is falling on our heads.

I knew with such a topic I would end up digressing into taking about ‘us men’, so without being stereotyped further, let me explain the dynamics of the demonstration and alleged drama that every woman is good at, or so the men believe. The fact is that being reassured once in a while is important in any relationship and that’s no damn crime!

Mature relationships also need reassurance, as well as being infused with a strong sense of security. It’s about wanting the partner to be there and be upfront with that. It’s not about the red roses and the expensive dinners. This is about being there for her, just as much as you know she’s there for you.

Now, this doesn’t cost anything and yet it’s rationed out only twice a year, those fateful birthday and anniversary days. Forgetting the date is a cardinal sin, but worse is being there and yet not there.

One of the other significant factors that prompts the woman is her unique ability to process thoughts super fast. This helps her to be far more public about what she feels. Well, men have slower neural networks (stop checking the science behind this. This is my belief!) and the resultant long periods of silence are a by-product of this cognitive sluggishness. We just overthink every little thing and by the time we figure that a particular expression may be appropriate, the occasion has long gone by. AhMen!

The core problem is that we just don’t want to admit our inability to think rationally, and whenever we do, we don’t have the right words in place.

Yes, we are far too conscious of our public image. The woman knows her onions best and obviously ends up being more vocal about how she feels, occasion or otherwise. 

Now this is logical. Men are known to have super sized egos. The other dimensions come later. Eating humble pie isn’t our idea of magnanimity either. I am blatant about admitting this, since I have no behemoth reputation to protect. I am human and take great pride in the fact that I am exceedingly sensitive. As for emotions, honestly there aren’t any left to display. They’re almost turbo-charged and visible at the drop of a hat. But I am a traitor and not the typical Indian man and yet I’m loving it!

And that’s probably why I tip my hat to you, Woman. You Rock!