Why Do Indian Women Do Most Of The Chores At Home?

Check out all the adverts on TV for detergent powders, soaps, bathroom cleaners, washing machines and floor cleaners. They all have women protagonists and are targeted towards them. Most home, gardening and cooking magazines are tailored for the female audience again. Men do like their homes, food and gardens, don’t they?

It is bemusing and disheartening at the same time, that even now home chores are a woman’s liability, arena and responsibility. Women themselves look at this optimistically and are fine with keeping this imbalance going and working for them.

Have you ever wondered?

Why do women need to prove their womanhood by keeping the cave spick and span?

Why is their femininity acknowledged when they take care of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery?

Why do they need to overcompensate at home even if they go out and work outside?

The ironic part

The ironic part is that Indian women ascribe to this notion themselves. No matter how much she thrives at her workplace, if her home chores are not done well by her, she is not considered to be adequate by her fellow men and women.

Tragically, she is hard and hypercritical about her own self, habituated by constant conditioning and inuring, her tendency is to overcompensate at home to establish her worth.

There is a certain kind of a self pride instilled in women who are overworked, exhausted but rigorously working outside and inside home and multitasking all the time to finish their chores. Rest, recuperation and time off are not meant for competent and good women.

She is obliged to take care of her chores. Not doing so definitely get her into trouble with her husband, kids, in laws and parents. She is pulled up and believed to be negligent of her home and hearth, lacking in organization skills, have zero domestic skills and be lackadaisical about raising a family.

Prehistoric gender patterns are still prevalent

The Indian man’s criteria for cherry picking a wife, is that the woman should be able to take care of him, kids and the home. By and large he is not expected to run errands and do chores at home. But the lady definitely needs to be at it.

The man needs to take it easy and chill. He cannot be bothered or disturbed by mundane and silly home chores.

The woman, who is thus suitable as a good wife for such a man is who goes about her chores silently, self sacrificing, rigorously, without complaining and always wearing a smile on her face.

Women are coached since childhood to become master at home chores and as adults strive to please others by doing a good job at them.  

Chores are prestige and power

A beautiful and well kept home is a status symbol for the man and it is prestige for the woman. Don’t they both need to tend to it together then? Apparently not.  Women’s feminity and womanhood are associated with the houses they keep.

Home is territorial supremacy for lot of women. It is here where she reigns. There is a tight control on everything. Authority and control comes when she does everything on her own. This way she is considered as flawless, perfect and great.

Buying and trading in this kind of importance comes through her home chores which otherwise is typically missing in our patriarchal and misogynistic society.

Psychological myths about feminine greatness

Feminity is equated with a woman’s domestic skills.

If she is not homely, can’t keep a beautiful home, run the housekeeping seamlessly, get great food rustled up in a jiffy, manage all the house helps, do her laundry and grocery efficiently she is not womanly.

Just a housewife, then her work at home is of zero value. She is believed to be doing nothing when she runs her home. Getting the basic chores done is her mandate. There is no pay, bonus, allowance or appreciation for her work, yet she has to be faultless in it.

If the woman goes out to work, it still hasn’t freed her. The psychological barrier lingers and is more convoluted. Now there is double the pressure to prove her merit at work and home. There is no respite for her. She cannot falter.

It doesn’t matter how busy, tired or occupied she is at her job, home chores need to be managed by her effortlessly.

How are boys brought up in our country?

Most of the time, men are trained to do nothing at home. But a girl needs to learn how to cook, clean and keep things in order since a very young age.

Men don’t help, participate or share chores with their mothers or fathers. Brought up to work outside a home and earn big bucks. That is supposed to be there only and focal contribution.

They are made to understand, when they get married it is the wife who will slave it out and attend to him and the kids. These alpha males, a lot of times can’t even pour a glass of water for their own themselves.

Not only dads, mommies adulation ensures they never learn how to be an equal contributing member at home.

Joy lies in sharing that everyday mundane and random with our loved ones. Sharing or doing chores together, can redefine how we look at the way we connect to each other as family? It can turn a house into a home? Living together every day can become fun and take away the burden, dullness and monotony? When everyone contributes as an equal member, it makes bonds stronger?

It is plain basic respect and dignity.

We need to break our shackles out of this skewered set up and do thing together differently.

Little boys when included in home duties like cooking, cleaning or washing up, when they grow up to be men, helping and contributing with errands and chores come to them naturally.  

When the men and boys in your home don’t do the chore as perfectly as you, at that time taking over or being irritated with them or feeling sorry for them won’t help. Let them continue, unless they try they will never learn. Make sure from now on you share those duties.

image not our own