Want To Change The World? Raise Self-sufficient Daughters

I met a gorgeous and confident woman at a friend’s dinner party. She came from an affluent business family in Delhi. She had been raised by her father, and, in her early twenties, was married off to an eligible guy she had chosen. The husband is now responsible for her life. Life is definitely luxurious, an outsider will definitely view her life as “a walk in the clouds”. A lot of Indian parents will consider her “settled” in the best possible way. Family, husband and children--yes she adores them all. There is no “real struggle”, fortunately.

But then her eyes were vacant, and there was a sense of defeat about her. When we met, something triggered in her, and she confessed to me that the men in her life give her ‘approval, sanction’ and ‘authorisation’. They grant her wishes as long as they follow the parameters of what her society, community and family permit. This suffocates her, but she has accepted the situation as her destiny, as she is not “self-sufficient”. So inherently, what she thinks, feels and does needs a certification for it to be legit.

In India, a woman is taught how to be a good daughter, sister, wife, mother and daughter-in-law. However, she is not raised to be “self sufficient”.

“Self sufficiency” requires a woman to build her self-esteem. Hell, there is a problem with that! Our society likes a woman who is virginal, fragile, and dependent. All hell will break loose if this power tilts and women become self sufficient, apparently. The boundaries of customs, and fences made of archaic conventions and societal norms which cage a women’s mind are a way of life here. Most times, a woman believes that she is the 'weaker sex'. Patriarchs design, mould, shape and own a woman’s life.

It is time to raise your daughter to be self-sufficient, unless you want her to inherit the same misery, judgment and entrapment that you have in your lifetime.

How can you raise a self-sufficient daughter?

Invest in a real education for her:

This will propel her to explore her passion, potential, strength, faults and creativity. Education doesn’t mean letting her just go to a school, perhaps even a finishing school, to get an education which makes her ‘marriageable’, or one she uses to complete the children’s homework and manage grocery lists. Give her an education that frees her mind, spirit and heart, so that no one can trap or cage her.

Teach her to be financially independent:

Financial independence is not just about money, security and safety. It is the ability which ensures the world does not manipulate her and raze her to the ground.  If she ever faces opposition, storms and is on her own, financial independence will give her the power and control over her own life. A woman’s father, husband or sons are not in charge of her terms for survival.

Teach her how to enjoy her time alone:

All fairytales talk about the female protagonist attaining her 'happily-ever-after' moment once the guy rescues her.  Teach your girl how to enjoy her time alone. Yes, this will help her deal with loneliness too, if it ever comes to that.  There is a deep conditioning that has fed an incessant need for a woman to belong, be ‘owned’ and have someone to look out for her. The moment women overcome this fear and learn to love their own self, they are able to lead more fulfilling and complete lives. Self-adequacy is strength.  

Teach her how to make decisions:

The onus of real and serious decisionmaking in families, and at work, is  given to men. Teach your daughter how to make decisions. We need to include our daughter in, solicit their opinion for and address their concerns about decisionmaking since their childhood. Only then will they find a way to make their own decisions as adults.

Teach your daughter life skills:

We need to gender-neutralize skills, tasks and jobs. Teach your daughter the skills such as a self-defense sport, changing a flat tyre, fix the running tap, and reading maps and navigate. This way, she gets a sense of control over her daily life. How to cook, bring up children and manage home are not the only essentials anymore.

Raise your daughter to know her own self and express it:  

It’s not an impulsive, superficial and external voice. It is her inner voice which gives her clarity on who she is as a human being, her wisdom to express herself genuinely and channelise it. This voice allows her to be comfortable in her own skin.

Imagine, and create that world with self-sufficient daughters.

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