Say Yes to Saying No

You say yes to your boss’ last minute request to stay back late. Yes to your neighbour when she asks you to pick up some veggies on your way back. Yes when your colleague requests you to swap your weekly off with hers. Aren’t you tired of having become a yes woman?

Most of us are conditioned to say yes whether we want to or not. It may be out of guilt, a desire to please or a misguided notion of doing it all. Saying yes by default may lead to a feeling of importance, value and worth in the short term, but can have long-term negative consequences including poor quality work, a failure to delegate, no time for yourself, and a feeling of frustration and inadequacy.

Many people fear saying no may imply they are unwilling, unhelpful or not a team player. But sometimes saying no can help manage your workload, improve your relationships – both personal and professional –and your work performance.

Do your groundwork. Keep yourself updated with what’s on your plate – at work and at home – so you know how tight you are on time.

Value your time. Many of us subconsciously feel that our time is not as important as anyone else’s. Time’s an invaluable asset, so make the most of it.

Be gentle yet firm. Be nice, but not wishy-washy. Make it clear that your no is final and you won’t change your mind.

Practice saying no. While a yes is generally associated with positive behaviour, a no is not always negative. It actually means you are saying ‘yes’ to something else.

No sorry, please. If you respect your time, your skills and your decision, don’t apologise for saying no. An apology sends the message that you are unhappy about refusing.

Don’t take it personally. There will be people who won’t like being turned down but you have to make an effort to stop being affected. Realise that this is a natural reaction.

It takes a lot of courage to say no, especially at work. Here’s how you can refuse smartly:

• I would love to help you out, but I already made a commitment to XYZ.
• I can’t do this as I have other priorities at the moment.
• Now’s not a good time as I’m caught up in a whirlwind at work. Can we reconnect after a week?
• I’m not the best person to help on this. Perhaps ABC could help?
• E-mail me the details and I’ll get back with a definite response on when I can get this done for you.
• If I could have a few more _________ (days, weeks, etc.), for this project, I could deliver something of higher quality. Is that a possibility?
• I can understand that you’re in a spot. I wish I could help.

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