Wired To Thrive

I just read an article that said there’s evidence to show that women are less self-assured than men. I had to agree from the get go. As women, we have been conditioned over generations and generations to accept our place as the “weaker sex”.

It’s great that we have progressed as far as we have today.Global studies by Goldman Sachs and Columbia University have shown that companies with scores of women employees outpace their rivals in every measure of profitability. Essentially, women have never been lacking in competence so much as self-confidence. Therein lies the problem.

We’ve been taught to keep our heads down, play by the rules and get the job done. We bank on the certainty that if we work hard enough, reward and recognition will naturally follow. Yet, when we look around, the men seem to be doing so much better. Quicker promotions, better pay and far more visibility (not to mention audibility for some veritable gun throats). Generally speaking, as women, we have a tendency to underestimate ourselves a lot of the time while men tend to overestimate themselves and, often time, it works in their favour.

How many times have you found yourself deferring to a male colleague in a discussion because he’s louder, more verbose, seems completely self-assured about his point of view even though his credentials are most likely on par with your own? The bottom line here: You are probably correct and yet you underestimate yourself. Reticence stemming from lower confidence holds us back and dampens our spontaneity.

The truth is that for success we need confidence almost as much as competence. There’s no doubt that women are making plenty of inroads into traditional male bastions of the corporate world. Nonetheless, when we celebrate a successful woman, isn’t there a distinct emphasis on her gender rather than on her competence? Is that in some way a trifle patronizing?

There have been several times when I was given the added responsibility of organizing team events, making corporate dinner reservations or plotting out and managing schedules for visiting executives – none of these part of my actual job description. Yet, in a predominantly male environment, I seemed the logical choice. Of course, I was assured it was because of my “great organizational skills” which the “irresponsible boys” sorely lacked, but I couldn’t help but feel that it had more to do with my gender. Any half-wit can pick up the phone and make a dinner reservation.Without a protest, I went along with it and got the job done – every single time.

So what does any of this have to do with the will to thrive? That’s the key to overcoming our sometimes faltering confidence. As women, we have to battle a lot more to get to where we are and where we want to be. There are societal restrictions – we still have some way to go before women can say we’re truly empowered. Women still juggle household duties, children and full-time jobs while quietly adjusting to the demands of traditional ‘alpha’ men who think a man has no place in the kitchen.

Women struggle with harassment on the streets and security in general. There is underlying sexism within every workplace – like the “harmless” jokes about a new woman joining the workforce “improving the scenery”, with no mention about what an impact she could have with her professional competence. There is an almost subliminal energy that programs us to naturally accept our place as second-class citizens.

Here’s what we can bank on: a woman’s innate ability to thrive despite the difficulties around her, making the best of her circumstances, whatever they may be. Her uncanny ability to make decisions, sometimes seemingly selfless ones, which ultimately ensure that everything works smoothly in the bigger picture, for longer-term gains and for everyone’s benefit.

For instance, saying yes to a part-time job and choosing to let her career take a backseat knowing that her children will benefit and the family will function better than with a flustered man at the helm. Passing up that opportunity for a promotion because it will mean longer work hours and less of a work-life balance. Saying yes to a bold new opportunity, striking out on an entrepreneurial venture, paving the way for women behind her and shattering that proverbial glass ceiling.

Women work immensely well under pressure because we’re better wired to cope and multi-task. Consider that our everyday lives are a series of mini struggles – from having the kids ready for school, budgeting, vacation plans, handling absentee maids and unpunctual repairmen, planning daily menus, tackling roadside Romeos, plotting everyday commuting, inventorying the fridge, figuring out the best deals on groceries, remembering family birthdays to keeping the dog’s immunization up-to-date… That list is endless. Our heads are constantly spinning with information, our minds planning and prioritizing, so women learn to thrive under pressure and take things in stride. Giving up is not an option.

Sure, the studies may say our confidence levels aren’t like that of our male counterparts and that we tend to underestimate ourselves a lot of the time. Nevertheless, what we may lack in self-assuranceis more than made up for with our resilience, our inner strength and our indestructible will to thrive.