An Experience I don’t Want To Forget

From very young one, I had imagined myself wearing a corporate suit, carrying a handbag, wearing black stilettos, giving presentations and sitting in a cabin working in a corporate environment. To put it simply I was always ambitious. I wanted to work, earn and be independent. I came from a family where everyone irrespective of their gender was expected to work, be good at what they did and most of all be happy and satisfied with their job. Both my parents loved their professions, there were times when they had to struggle but even in those times they would be happy struggling. They waited for the right opportunity to come up and would once again plunge into their work. My father is still a workaholic, if he has to work till the wee hours of the morning he has absolutely no qualms about it and maybe I take after him.

I couldn’t wait for college to finish and start working. In my three years of under graduation I had interned, worked part time and networked. All vacations were spent either in an office or in the field. When my friends were chilling, exploring new places, I was drafting plans on where to apply next and how to keep myself busy. Once in awhile when I caught up with friends, all I used to hear from them was, “you don’t know how to chill”. “You don’t have a life other than your work”. It was true, I always felt that if I was not working or interning, then maybe I was not making the most of my college life.

As my course came to an end, I applied for a job with a company which was working in the field I was deeply interested in. I had heard a lot about the team, their professionalism and ethics. The day I got my offer later, I couldn’t express my joy, was just smiling all day long. I made calls to my family, friends and announced to the world that I was placed. I was pepped up and excited for this new journey. All set to conquer the workplace.

On my first day of work, I arrived early at the office, eager to get into my first team meeting. People slowly started trickling in and the meeting commenced. I was assigned a task and quickly got working. As a fresher I wasn’t aware of each and every technical detail, but I did all that I could to do, to get the job done well. Months after months I was assigned the same work, my teammates weren’t exactly team players, the atmosphere at work was stressing, there was never a light moment and I was shifted into something I had not signed up for. I began hating work, people were unapproachable and I slowly slipped into depression. Lunch breaks were spent alone and it felt as I was getting sucked into a place from where I won’t be able to come out. Before I could grow and learn I felt I had stagnated.

My closed ones saw how miserable I was feeling and asked me to quit and take a break. For a very long time I ran away from the idea, I dragged myself to office only to come back frustrated and even more disappointed. What could have possibly gone wrong? Why was I not fitting in? These questions came back to me ever so often. I spoke to my team, shared my concerns with them but probably I wasn’t a great fit and my efforts went unnoticed. Being unable to motivate myself any further I quit the job.

What came next was probably one of the worst times of my life, I was at home and did not know what to do. It took me some time but I realized that probably leaving the work that I was not motivated for was a good idea. I felt left incompetent when I saw other people go to office, put up selfies on Instagram and Facebook with their colleagues or when my friend came and told me about the offsite she really enjoyed. It was hard and I had lost confidence, but I didn’t give up looking for new opportunities. Things did fall into place and I got work.

As a fresher we have expectations and we want to be out there learning and growing but here are few things that one must keep in mind before applying for a job. If you are confused seek help, write to mentors or people whom whose opinions you trust. There are times where the fit won’t be great, don’t give up, but move on. Communicate with your team, share your problems. If you aren’t motivated then probably that place is not for you. We always have a lot of self- doubt but pick yourself up and take charge.

Your first job always leaves an indelible mark on you, sometimes that experience will be something that you’d not like to go back to but every experience is important and in hindsight I think my first job taught me resilience, I think I can make better choice now.