Letter To My Younger Self

Published on 27 Feb 2017 . 3 min read

Dear Suparnaa,

I know the time, I know the fear, but don’t worry, you’re well. I also know, you will be well in the times to come. At 23, you think you’re struggling with the world upon your shoulders, fighting for the one you love, against the ones that have loved you forever. But it’s going to be fine, all will ultimately be fine. The things and people who are so important to you today, will play their roles and move on. The relationships you’re foregoing for them, will be only ones that will stay on. The tunnel you’ve entered has only one exit and it’s only just begun. I wish I could set you free now, but then you wouldn’t know so many things…

You won’t know what freedom means unless you’ve borne the marks of that first strike from the one who you think will lead you to your salvation.

You will know how to bear till you can bear no more and then you’ll go ahead and bear some more. You will know the pain in love, for you would have loved and lost. You’ll know how to pick up the pieces, once you feel you’re totally shattered. And dear you, you will know, that your soul is far from being battered. You will ultimately forgive him, for the public humiliation and the forced carnal pleasures. You will forgive him for the drunken brawls and the bruised raw skin that will shortly heal, much sooner than the scars on your heart, but those too shall heal.

You will move on and in moving on you’ll find what life really had in mind.

I wish I could set you free now, but then you wouldn’t know…

The moment, that will make you hold her in your arms, her very first touch, her cry, her gurgle. Her first suckle on your body and the umbilical bond with your soul that she will form, the moment the cord will be cut from your womb.

You won’t know how your heart will break when you’ll stand at the threshold of justice, facing a battery of lawyers, fighting against an embarrassment of riches that he holds and the strength that he shows in ripping the one joy you will clutch tight in your arms. In that moment you will know the wail of a mother and the strength of your character to stand up and against all odds that are and will ever be. You will survive and what a winner you will be.

So hold on and hang in there, fight the emotions of running away. You will know the darkest as you stare blankly into the night, and you will also know that there will be light. Have faith; you will find it within yourself. Steadfast then you’ll hold on to it. Though life may not get easier with time but the strife for sure will nurture you fine.

So dear you keep moving on with hope in your heart and a prayer on your lips, and if you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting, time after time, time after time.

Love,

Suparnaa

Suparnaa Chadda

Suparnaa is a media professional who has dabbled with radio and television programming both locally and internationally for close to a decade. She won critical acclaim for her independent documentary, ‘When Atlas shrugged again’, about the victims of the 2005 Kashmir earthquake. She has also been the face of over 300 documentaries on Indian Art, Heritage & Culture. She is the Founder of womanendangered.org and a single mother of two: an 11-year-old daughter and a 3.5-year-old mutt adopted from an animal shelter.