Jealous Of Her?

“She is an amazing dancer and has won awards. She can swim fast and fantastic. This girl has an impeccable style. She looks like a super-model stepped out of Vogue, even in messy clothes. She has a great style, trim body, a sharp sense of humour and amazing make-up skills!” Samantha shrugged “I am sooo jealous of her.”

Jealous of her! Samantha’s last sentence drowned me into some deep thinking. Actually, I won’t blame her; it wasn’t her fault. If the girl was exactly like she described, who wouldn’t be jealous?

The question is, what exactly is jealousy? 

Jealousy is a common emotion that is made up of many different feelings such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.

How does this emotion arise? Jealousy stems from comparison. Since childhood, we are taught to compare. Somebody else has a better house, somebody else has a more beautiful body, somebody else has more money, somebody else got better marks, somebody else has a more charismatic personality, somebody else has this and somebody else has that. Compare!...Compare!… Compare! Go on comparing yourself with everybody else you pass by, and the outcome you get is nothing but JEALOUSY!

Take the example of this elderly farmer who was devastated during the ravages of the flood.

“Hiram!” yelled a neighbour, “your pigs were all washed down the creek.”

“How about Thompson’s pigs?” asked the farmer

“They’re gone too”

“And Freddy’s pigs are gone as well?”

“Yes”

“Humph!” said the farmer, cheering up. “It aren’t as bad as I thought.”

If everybody is in pain, your suffering is acceptable; if everybody is losing, your defeat is alright. But if everybody is happy and succeeding, only then your agony and loss counts! Ask yourself, is this not the strategy we apply to be happy? 

“And how to not get jealous of someone who is so amazing. I mean look at her man; she is just, just PERFECT!” Samantha continued breaking my chain of thoughts

“I can understand why you are jealous of her. But the first thing to know about jealousy is; it has everything to do with you and very little to do with the person you are jealous of,” I replied.

 “Yeah right, it is my fault that she is so perfect and I am not,” Samantha grudged.

 “Ask yourself, Sammy; why do you think she is perfect? What is it that she does better than you? Swim? Look good? Wear better outfits? Or is it her body that makes them look better? Whatever it is, get one thing clear--all these things aren’t as important as you make them sound!”

“Really?,” she considered.

“Indeed. Do you truly believe she’s a better person than you? She is actually not as great as you think she is. Stop comparing yourself with her,” I said

“But how can I not? Everyone likes her and she would be the obvious choice to become the head-girl. It’s like, there is a mango and a banana and you ask someone to choose. Obviously people would say mango.”

“But does that mean banana loses its worth? Does that mean people don’t have banana? A little rain before the time and mangoes get ruined, while you get bananas in all seasons. Such comparisons aren’t necessary. Each person is unique and incomparable. You are yourself. Nobody has ever been like you or nobody will ever be like you.”

“Hmm…You’re right! I am myself. And I don’t have to be like anybody else.”

“Exactly! After all, Existence creates only originals. It does not believe in carbon copies.”

We both laughed.

image not our own