Indian Men And Housework

Two friends met at a restaurant, and a snippet of their conversation was as follows:

Man 1 – I bought another house.

Man 2 – Wow, that’s great! Congratulations. But won’t it be an additional financial burden for you?

Man 1 – No, it’s an under-construction building, and my wife is doing very well at her job. So her salary will make the payments for the house, and mine will run the home expenses. It’s a blessing to have two incomes in this day and age.

Man 2 – I agree, women joining the workplace make it so much easier for us men. Tell me, do you make it easier for her too?

Man 1 – Huh! What do you mean?

Man 2 – While she made it stress-free for you by joining what was traditionally the ‘male domain’, do you assist her in ‘her domain’ as well? The household?

Man 1 – I do, I drop the kids to school every morning, and do my bits and pieces; but you can’t expect me to cook and do the laundry. Hahaha!

Man 2 – Why not?

Man 1 – That’s not my job. It would be so weird if I did that.

The discussion goes on. I don’t know if Man 2 managed to convince Man 1 otherwise, but this is the truth about Indian men. According to a survey by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), an average Slovenian man spends 144 minutes per day doing unpaid housework while an Indian man spends 19--one of the lowest in the world. In comparison, Indian women spend 351 minutes a day.

Sandhya, a working woman living in urban India, complains that even though her husband and she work similar hours, most of the housework is managed by her--the monthly bills, organising the staff, meal plans, children’s homework and other sundry daily work. While her husband is very proud of her and appreciates all her efforts on the work front, once he’s home, he can’t be bothered to participate in the housework. “I don’t understand anything, Sandhya; it’s too boring. You are the superstar. You manage it, please.” These are his regular excuses.

In contrast, there’s Preeti, another working woman from India who has moved to Dubai. Preeti says this about her husband: “Jude pitches in with everything. In fact, he does most of the cooking and we divide everything related to housework. If he cooks, I clean up and vice versa”. Would Jude be as hands-on if they were still in India?

Like Preeti, many who have migrated abroad compliment their husbands on being on top with housework, while their Indian counterparts struggle. Many women in India perceive that ,with in-laws around, they can’t make too many demands to their husband as old-fashioned parents don’t approve of the man stepping in to do what should be “their” work. In turn, a few claim that they cannot enter the workforce due to insufficient help at home. Some women accept that though their husbands want to participate, they don’t know how to and it’s easier to do it themselves than repeatedly explain basics like how to stack the washed plates or separate the coloured from the whites.

“When I was unwell, my husband very sweetly offered to make tea for me. But, for every little thing, he would come and ask for instructions--how much water to add, how long to boil, how many spoons of tea, the quantity of milk. It was so tedious explaining the entire process, I almost wished he hadn’t offered,” recalls Swati. Arun, her husband, admits, “It was a real task making a cup of tea for my wife. I felt equal parts guilty and annoyed for being so inept, but since have learnt to make a neat cup of tea.”

While the perception is changing and men are ready to participate in the housework to the best of their ability, it is still a very slow process. Most in this generation have not seen their fathers work at home, and confess their mothers never assigned household chores to them. Therefore, many men acknowledge that while they would want to help, it does not come naturally to them. Hopefully, the new generation will see their fathers helping in the house just as many mothers help financially, and will ease into this partnership with comfort.