In Search Of Greener Grass...why Affairs Are On The Rise

In recent years, extramarital affairs have increased noticeably. More than seventy per cent of men have extramarital or premarital affairs. What might be the underlying causes? Is this trend set to continue or is there a way to reverse it?

Many men come to me and say, “Doctor, I have 2-3 affairs at one time, but there is no problem, everything is going smoothly.” Then I ask them, “What if you find out that your wife too is having an affair? Will you tolerate it then?” Then the men say, “How can that happen? That cannot happen.” And they feel no guilt either.

You think extramarital affairs happen only in urban areas? That is not true. Many such affairs happen in rural areas, too. You might have seen dogs mating on the streets in your childhood, your kids might have never seen that. When you go to villages, children there would have seen the matings of dogs, cows and other animals. They know that mating is something natural. Second, many men shift to towns from villages, leaving their wives behind. These wives have their own needs and hence they stray. Third, the men in the villages go to their fields in the mornings and come back in the evenings – they don’t know what is taking place in the huge fields at different times while they are away. So the women get more opportunities to stray.

I agree that the grass may sure be greener on the other side, but why is it so? It is so because you are ignoring your own garden. If you take good care of your own garden, then your garden will be equally green. You have to cultivate your relationship properly – whether it is that of a wife or a husband.

Even after 10 years of marriage, there is no change or experimentation of sex among the majority of Indian couples – they keep on having sex in the same manner, same position and same place forever. I am not suggesting that you change your partner; you need to change the position, you need to change the environment, you need to change the place – which doesn’t happen at all. In most cases, the couples have sex only in the missionary position– they don’t even want to think that the women can be on top. Yet, surprisingly, a survey concluded that 87% of females have said that they enjoy the most when they are on the top.

I believe that after 50, it is a golden time to have sex. Your kids are settled by then, your business is settled – no stress.
- Dr. Paras Shah, Chief Sexologist, Gujarat Research & Medical Institute and Director, Sannidhya Institute & Research Center for Sex, Sexuality and  Health.

After 50, your mobility becomes limited, you no longer go to late-night parties as you had at 25, you spend most of your time with your spouse alone, you have a comfort level by now – you know what pleases or displeases your spouse by now. There is no hurry for anything, so after 50 is a golden period for sex within marriage. Tend that grass and it will be as green as you wish.

(As told to Raksha Bharadia)