I Am Me

I am going to take off from where I left my last article ‘Who am I?’ with a quick recap. Click here to read it!

This story is of Sara, a young girl full of vigour. Sara’s zest for life and free spirit was something her parents had never been comfortable with; hence, they chose a partner for her who was her exact opposite, in the hopes that he would calm her down. Sara was married for 10 years and tried hard in those years to mould herself into society’s and her husband’s demand of how a wife and mother should be. Not being true to herself, she failed miserably in both the roles. In her need for companionship and understanding, she had a relationship with someone outside of her marriage. When Sara’s husband, Aamir, got to know of it, he promptly asked her to leave. Sara walked out, leaving her young son behind--a child with whom she had not managed to form a bond.

Six months after she left, Sara received a call from her mother. She hoped her mom was calling to reconcile. Instead, her mother started with a barrage of taunts and threats. She accused Sara of many things, of failing as not only a mother and wife but as a woman. Sara was, again and again, reminded that she had embarrassed her parents by her behaviour and had brought shame to them in society.

Sara heard her mother out and gently hung up the phone. Softly weeping, she rued the fact she never got a chance to tell her mother how her life had changed for the better. While there were struggles, she was at peace and happy. Her relationship with her son had improved and she had managed to bond with him now, than had been able to in all those years with him.

This time around, Sara refused to give in to anyone’s demands. All she ever wanted was to be allowed to be ok with herself. All people around her said was it wasn’t ok to be different. She believed them for so long, buried in norms and rules that went against all she craved to be, it began to erode her real personality.

Now that she had a chance to realise her true self, she wasn’t going to go back to being the person that was forced upon her. She wanted to embrace the little child within and allow her the life she had desired.

But we didn’t allow Sara that luxury. At every step, there was someone ready to remind her that she had not adhered to society’s rules. People sneered and mocked, had judgements to pass while sentencing her without listening. Many could not understand why she did what she did. Some were openly scornful, while others tried to get her to repent her acts and go back to her old ways.

After months of agony, Sara left the city and moved away, to a place that didn’t know her story and would not judge her. She had to run away to be happy and to love herself!

Through circumstances, Sara was given the chance to find herself again; not all our young women are. We need to decide if society’s rules mean more to us than our children’s happiness. Sara’s was just one example of many; some may have the desire to explore new places, some may want to pursue passions we don’t approve of or be in relationships or jobs that are not acceptable in general society.

The question that begs to be asked is: Do we need to mould and bend those we love so people around won’t notice that they are different? Ask them to live entire lives with feelings of dissatisfaction? Or take pride in, appreciate and accept their differentness? It is okay if they never get married or are in same-sex relationships. It is also okay if they live their lives as happy housewives, as long as they are happy.

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