Effective listening is an art

If only we could listen more and talk less, the world would be a much better place. 

“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen,  we would have two mouths and one ear.” So said Mark Twain.

Many a times problems in relationships happen due to poor communication and most people do not realize that listening is a major part of any communication. Listening is key to all effective communication. Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.

Genuine listening is rare these days. Many successful leaders credit their success to good listening skills. Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing refers to sounds that you hear, whereas listening means paying attention to not just the story, but how it is told, the tone of voice, the unsaid message between the lines and the non verbal gestures.

Most of the time we listen superficially. This incomplete listening leads to miscommunication in our personal as well as professional lives. Proper communication is not just giving out a message, but also ensuring that the message is understood by the listener. Most  problems at the workplace happen because our message has not been heard and understood correctly by others. Effective listening is very important in life.

Effective listening means ‘listening to understand’. There is an art to being a good listener. This is a skill  which one can acquire with some practice. Most successful people are good listeners. Only when you really listen,  you can empathize with the feelings and emotions of the speaker and create a bond with him. Effective listening also means listening from the other person’s point of view. If you can learn “walking a mile in another person’s moccasins”, you can understand people well and forge better relationships.

Most people, especially kids, practice selective listening. If you tell a kid that you will give him a raise in his pocket money if he keeps his room clean, he will remember the part about the raise in pocket money but forget the part about keeping his room clean!

What prevents us from being a good listener?

-Low attention span
-Inability to concentrate
-Trying to mind-read
-Planning your next argument
-Filtering
-Daydreaming
-Judging beforehand
-Drafting your own advice
-Believing you know everything
-Jumping to conclusions

Advantages of effective listening

-You will gain more information
-You will understand people better
-You will become better at interpersonal relationships
-Misunderstandings will be avoided
-People will enjoy talking to you
-Fewer errors
-Less wasted time
-Resolving of conflicts

Tips to be a good listener

-Look at the speaker
-Maintain eye contact
-Be focused
-Be present in the conversation
-Give undivided attention
-Mentally screen out background noise
-Don't be distracted by your own feelings
-Keep an open mind
-Don't be judgemental
-If your thoughts start to wander, re- focus.

Effective listening builds relationships and careers. So listen well and listen to understand!

By Sonia Menghani

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