Being A Strong Choice-Mom

Gone are the days when an egg and a zillion sperms were enough to plan a child. An educated and independent woman today looks through different perspectives before becoming a parent.  Now women wish to settle only after they have climbed their career ladder. Many a times she does find “her” dream man to have a family with OR she has the luxury to choose to become a single working mom. More and more women are opting to become mothers either by conception, adoption or surrogacy, but oustside of marriage. Such moms are choice-moms!

Being a single working mom may sound glamorous, as the choice-moms we usually read about are either movie stars or are working at high corporate posts, but it isn’t easy. Plenty of women look for jobs after they become moms. Single moms are often left with the guilt of not being able to provide the right kind of fatherly love. “I can’t fix the wheels of my son’s toy car, nor can I play tough men games like soccer, and often have to look for a man’s help for all the daddy stuff,” says Ms. Pooja Khanna, a financial strategist at a reputed private equity company, “There are a few good men who set excellent role models for kids, you don’t need to be married to them, friendship is a great relationship too,” she adds.

Though divorce and a child out of wed-lock are no longer social stigmas, a sound support system is essential to raise a child as a single parent. It takes a lot of communication to fulfil the gap of a father between the mother and the child. There are many women who are happily raising their kids, but with a clear vision of what to expect as the children grow up. Their friend circle and family members are their ultimate source of comfort and encouragement. The mother’s relationships play a crucial role in the child’s life. He/She grows up witnessing such strong bonds; this improves their social I.Q too.

Sushmita Sen, is one of the best examples of a choice-mom. She recently gave a heart warming speech about how she enjoyed every moment of being a choice-mom. “The womb, heart and mind are complex yet so simple; a small change of thought can change your life,” she says.  She chose to become a single mom at the tender age of eighteen. She couldn’t find a man she’d wish to settle down with and so she decided to raise a family all by herself.

Will my kid be ok without a dad? What shall I explain when he/she sees other kids with their fathers? The best of the psychologists have studied that as long as one parent is actively involved in the child’s life, they are well secured. A grandfather or a male friend  can be as much as a role model to the child as a father could be.

Single moms feel the pinch once the child begins to become independent. This is when the feeling of being alone begins to creep in. Even with the soundest of support system such feelings are inevitable. But married women have to deal with their child’s independency too. The good news is that there are just as many support groups for single working moms as there are for married moms. Online social groups, single mommie clubs and workshops are   great places to connect with other moms in the same shoes.

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