Because, Being Alone Need Not Be The Same As Being Lonely, Or Lost.

One of the greatest features of Indian culture and tradition is the deep connection with family that we inculcate over the years. We may have seen a steady fading of the joint family structure, but we are still one of the few countries to boast of a proud sense of family bonds.

However, while the family system is very important, and useful in many ways, it is just as important to learn to be alone, live alone, to fend for yourself. But we don’t pay attention to this. At all.

My grandmother spent close to 75 years with my grandfather. When he passed away, a few weeks ago, she, a woman who was always taught to stay home, manage the house and kids, was suddenly left to survive on her own. We had a family system to serve as support. However, sometimes, circumstances are such that there is no one you can really turn to. This is called life. Always unpredictable.

My old grandmother now lives alone in the house she shared with her husband, and where she raised her three daughters. The daughters are now settled all over the world, and she just has the house, for shelter, and for company. Strange as that may sound.

Then, there is the story of Sasha, a friend of mine, who married her childhood sweetheart. They had dated since they were both 14-years-old. She moved to Goa with him, to live a happy life, and everything was super until one day, at a party, he collapsed without warning. The sudden heart attack was fatal. He was just 34 years old. Sasha, too, lives alone now.

There was also young Major Dhruv Yadav who was killed in a freak accident at an annual training programme last year. Major Yadav is survived by his wife, who was then eight months pregnant with their first child.  

Can we begin to imagine not just the grief but the immense strength it takes to just continue living? How do you get that strenghth when you’re forced into such a situation?

Indian parents, and many others across the globe, always raise their children with the hope that they will get married some day and have kids of their own. We raise them with the hope that their life partner will be theirs forever, and that they will always have someone to care for them.

But have we ever thought of raising our young to be able to survive alone? In the real world?

I had a partner for several years too. But circumstances force me to be alone today.

And while I learn to survive with each passing day, the point is, maybe it’s time for all of us to learn--or rather to be taught--to live alone too. We, especially women, need to learn how to manage everything around us, alone. Because if you’re just a little bit prepared, maybe it won’t feel so bad if we do find ourselves alone.

Because, until we know how to be alone, we can’t really be with someone.

One of the greatest fears man is known to have is the fear of being alone. Because man is social.

But as you go home tonight, to your spouse and children, remember that there are hundreds and thousands of women and men out there, who are forced into circumstances where they have to live alone. It just happened. They didn’t ask for it.

So what really helps in such a situation? These hacks, shared by surivors, who may be alone but are not lonely.

Travel: My friend Sasha loves music and travel. So, she saves money, travels abroad, to go and watch her favourite bands like Coldplay or U2 sing live. She looks forward to the trip, even if it happens once a year. She spends the rest of the year working towards it.

Keep your brain busy: An idle mind will make you think of things that you really shouldn’t be thinking about. Keep your brain busy, and ticking. If you have a job, take up something to keep you busy in the evenings. You will sleep easy by the end of the day.

Exercise, dance, jump: It may seem difficult at first, but it is important to be physically active, not just mentally busy. Dance. Sing your favourite song on a karaoke machine. Jump on a puddle and get drenched. These things will really help you slip in a laugh or two, and that would make you feel better.

It's okay to be alone. Because being alone need not be the same as being lonely, or lost.