A Note To Worried Souls Having Sleepless Nights Over My Marriageable Age

“Happy to help” is the motto of people around me nowadays. They are losing their sleep over my life defining reality. It’s bothering not only some of the friends, but also acquaintances and strangers alike. It’s heartening to watch them discuss passionately about my status. 


I am a 28 year old woman who is ‘still’ not married! 


Recently my best friend, chaddy buddy to be precise, got hitched. It was a fun affair to remember. I danced and jived my way through the ceremonies which lasted for three days. 


Now before I start ranting on how difficult it is for women my age to counter questions about marriage. Let me tell you about the relationship I share with this best friend. She’s not that ‘just-met-a-few-months-back’ best friend, or only my ‘good-times’ best friend. We have spent (god willing would do so in future as well) the best of times and had the ugliest of fights. We have moved past the puppy phase. Yeah, where you spend each and every moment with each other. Trust me, it happens between friends too. There have been times when we haven’t met in a while, say a couple of months, nevertheless we end up having an amazing time. The friendship has weathered the worst and witnessed the best.

Naturally, everybody thought of us like siamese twins, inseparable. True, we are Siamese twins but with different personalities. I was pretty much clear about my preferences, not settling down. I despise the word ‘settle.’ For me marriage was and is still a personal decision. Society doesn’t play any role whatsoever. I am going to marry when and whom, I want to. It seemed like a legitimate stance, which I took. 


I was in my bubble, believing that I’m educated, liberal, independent and empowered enough to take this decision. Oh wait! I’m dreaming. 


You see, in spite of us being in the year 2017, in spite of us talking about women empowerment, in spite of stupendous advancements in various fields. We are lacking in basic etiquettes and common sense. 


Subtlety goes for a toss and you see people poking you with questions that cross the limits of decency. Some of the questions which I have come across in this marriage were:-

Why are you still not married?

What is wrong, are you not comfortable with marriage?

Don’t you wanna settle down?

Why are you tossing away the golden years of your life?

All the good men will be taken, why are you delaying?

Why do you want to be an old bride? Marry early to look young in your pictures! (That is exactly what a woman said to me) 

“It is not easy for a single woman to survive, better you start looking out for a suitable groom.”

Some were even generous enough to proceed with matchmaking with the options available in the venue itself. So, what I inferred from the questions above and others of such nature, is that if I have crossed the ideal marriageable age, my chances of getting married would drastically cut down. I would have to make do with rejects (of men). By the way which is also higly offensive for the men, who choose to marry late. Lastly, my chances of a bright financial future depends on my to-be husband.


It all makes sense to me now. The constant hammering by my aunts; don’t be too ambitious, don’t be loud, don’t be uncouth, don’t be rebellious, don’t talk back and don’t be bossy. It was all in preparation for this day. To settle down. To marry at the end, because that is the culmination of our existence.  


Those sympathetic looks and half opened mouths pushed me to ponder over this fact. No matter what, we still can’t wrap our brains around it that women can marry whenever the hell they want to. I have lost the count of the number of times I have been dragged aside to be advised by random aunties and uncles to hasten and marry by the end of this year. 

“Beta ab bohot late ho gaya, tum bhi jaldi se ladka dekho aur is saal ke end tak shaadi kar lo.”


What has left me bewildered is that these people belong to the financially well-off families, foreign-educated, with high-paying jobs. Ironically they have pushed their daughters to excel in studies. So the whole point of investing in your daughter’s education was to groom her for a suitable catch? 


I am a feminist and no I am not a fanatic activist. I believe in the equal say of all, irrespective of their gender. Marriage is on my list, but as of now it is not a priority. Sadly even some of my friends, who happen to be the young and cool ones, have also questioned my need to delay marriage. 


Guess what guys, there’s no timetable to be followed here. I am enjoying my singlehood status now. I might sound like Elizabeth Bennet from Pride & Prejudice, but marry for the right reasons. For me those reasons are love and respect. I am not eagerly waiting for Darcy either. I am just taking life, one day at a time. And I am sure many women like me are also doing the same. 


We wish to be left alone. We wish to settle down whenever we want to and with whoever we want to. Please consider this as a sincere request, from a frustrated ‘single woman’ who has had enough with your looks and clucks. 


Let us just be, and you better focus on devouring the paneer tikka from the snacks counter. 


With Love
A Single-HAPPY-Woman