The Aftermath Of Life

 

Woman who lost her son to brain tumour, her journey through depression and reclaiming her life.


Anu Mittal’s family was complete. She had a loving husband and two lovely sons. She wanted nothing more in life. Unfortunately, life had another plan for her. Read on to know what happened due to which she plunged into depression and how she finally managed to find her way out…

 

Life’s biggest loss and family that became the greatest support

 

It was in 1988 that I lost my son, 28 years ago. I was 40 years old back then, while my little boy was just 16. He was diagnosed with leukaemia. The diagnosis itself, was so hard for all of us as a family. And then within, a month, we lost him.

 

Yes, my husband and my close family members were very supportive. At such a low point of my life, the extended family had also been around and acted as a strong support system. But the thing with a loss of such a nature is, that it is permanent and the grief that I felt as a mother, was extremely personal. I couldn't describe or share what I was feeling and no one could truly understand. So, inspite all the support, I was absolutely shattered and slipped into depression.

 

Personal Struggle

 

Contrary to common perception, the strongest feeling resulting of the loss was not sadness but a sense of guilt. I constantly felt guilty for being alive without my son. The thought as to how I was allowed to live, to breathe, to eat and perform all bodily functions, while I no longer had my son with me. And of course, there was a feeling of vacuum inside me, that no one and nothing could fill.

 

I mean, a natural consequence for parents’ that lose one of their children is that they become overly possessive and protective of the surviving child. However, that did not happen in our case. Even after what had happened, my husband and I, made a conscious effort to ensure that we had a balanced approached in his upbringing, But of course, after losing my younger son, my older son and only child became so much more dear and precious to me as a mother. And he naturally became the centre of all our attention.

 

Recovering and Reinventing

 

Well, overcoming grief is a very slow and painful process. Accepting what had happened with me and coming to terms with it took me many years. But today I can say thank you to my son for teaching me all the lessons that followed after his loss and how my life changed in ways that I had never imagined.

 

Soon after I lost my son to cancer, I started following this Spiritual Guru. From him I received love, guidance and a lot of support. So spirituality was what helped me slowly walk out of depression. Moreover, I also kept myself engaged in creating household linen, which took my mind from all the depressing thoughts and loneliness. You could say that this was a small business that I was running along with being a homemaker.

 

As I started coming in terms with what had happened, after 2 to 3 years this innate desire to spend time with cancer patients and help them in some way or another started developing within me. I started looking for an opportunity which would allow me to do so. Finally in 1993, I came across an emotional support group for cancer patients called Cancer Sahyog, which I became a part of. From day one, it felt like it was my true calling, like a sort of a life purpose. So I continued to volunteer with them. Thereafter, in 1996 an NGO called Can Support was founded and I joined that as well. Back then, volunteering for these two organisations and running my business along with looking after my family started taking up all my time. It was in 1997, that I decided to discontinue my small business of home linen and took up volunteer work devoting all my time to it. Since then, my journey as a volunteer for cancer patients continues till date.

 

Changing Oneself

 

The incident shook me to the core. I went through the worst bout of depression as well. But I would say that over the years, I have grown immensely as a person. Dealing with cancer patients taught me that my problems were very small. Just holding their hand, lending them a listening ear or a simple gesture like giving them a tight hug, was a mutual way of sharing our sorrows. Seeing their hardships and courage, and hearing their stories taught me lessons, every single day. I believe that when you offer to heal someone, the process itself is self healing for you.

 

I have learnt that pain connects with pain. It was only years after I had come in terms with my loss, that I started my volunteer work. You see, one must be at peace to be able to actually be a system of support to the people who are suffering. And as for working for cancer patients, that just makes me feel blessed, more humbled. It has truly given meaning and peace to my life, like nothing else has. Today, I have a reason to live and to constantly move forward.

 

Faith And Resilience To Continue

 

It has only strengthened and strengthened and strengthened my faith in the higher power. After losing my son, I started following a Guru, who gave me the strength,  support and direction to move on in life. I drew power from God to able to move forward and find a reason to live. Over the years, I have only become stronger and a more compassionate person and my faith has just continued to grow stronger. I’ve also come to learn that when God puts you down, he provides you a helping hand to lift you up, even though you may not realise it at first . And that each trial in life is nothing but a lesson that must be learnt.

 
 
 

Phalasha Nagpal
Phalasha Nagpal, born and brought up in Delhi, she worked in the field of audit for a while ( where she didn’t quite fit in), then she went on to pursue her MSc. Finance and Economics from the U.K.( where she didn’t quite fit in either ), and finally she started pursuing her unapologetic love and passion for writing ( where, she finally feels like she fits in)

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