Find Your Wings

If you are an urban working woman living in a nuclear family with kid(s), chances are you have turned into a modern avatar of the Hindu goddess with 18 arms irrespective of whatever religion you practice. And you are always juggling, always running, always a little behind schedule in everything. Self-time? Forget it for a few years perhaps. Just proper sleep at night is a blessing enough. Frankly, I’d say, without wanting to incur the deity’s wrath, that you are probably even greater than the goddess herself as surely even the goddess doesn’t have to do as much as you have to.

I run travel workshops across India. I do that with an intention of inspiring more people to travel to know, understand and appreciate our world. Most people who attend my talks are men, young girls and boys, and women above 50 ready for their second innings of travelling. One key demographic missing is the working women with kids. “Of course”, you say, “how can we travel as much as we would like to with all the things that we have to juggle between work and home and kids?” I would agree with you. It is impossible for you to take off if you don’t have your support system in place. Hence I begin this monthly column with some tips on how to build a support system that empowers you to do more with the limited time that you have. A good support system can give you wings.

Using your professional experience at home can help you handle domestic situations in a more efficient manner. Like a good manager at work, an important skill that you must implement at home also is planning and delegation.And a proper analysis of what to outsource. Just like in your office, you don’t start doing the work that your team is supposed to do, similarly, don’t be tempted to do all the work yourself if your helper at home is not coming up to the mark. Sure enough, sometimes it may be necessary. But if your team is not pulling its weight, replace the team till you find a team that does its job well. Apart from what you deem as most important and something that is best done by you, rest everything should be ruthlessly delegated. I have heard many working women say that they can deal with the worst possible personnel at work but managing maids – now that is a different ball game. Hardcore professionals have been known to crumble when it comes to managing maids. So we’ll start by touching the hornet’s nest :

1) Maids – the biggest boon and the bane of a working woman

I am part of some groups on Facebook which utilize peer-to-peer references for maids in Delhi, Bombay and other cities. I don’t have to tell you how much desperation and helplessness can be felt in these groups where women come looking for maids. There’s also frustration and anger at the unprofessional behavior of maids all over. Situation is the same in Delhi, Bombay, Bangalore, Hyderabad – perhaps that gives you some solace. Like any other woman who has dealt with maids, I can also write a book on this topic but for this article, I’ll stick to three basic tips:

Overstaffing is better than understaffing: Don’t be totally dependent on just one resource till you find someone who perfectly fits all your specifications. Divide the work between two or more depending on your own personal situation. In emergency, one can fill in for another.And all of them won’t bunk together.

Use technology: Deploy monitoring systems such as cameras that you can track from your phone or computer. Teach your maid how to connect with you on Skype/ Google Hangout on the tablet that your kid plays with at home. You will feel more connected and more in control. And your maid will appreciate that you taught her something new that she can brag about. Or that you acknowledged her technological prowess.

Processify: Here’s the thing with maids. They don’t last. By the time you’ve got one to understand and work to your rhythm, some inexplicable thing happens and she leaves or you have to fire her. The distress of training a new maid every few days can be minimized by standardizing your house work almost like making a manual of things that you want done in a particular way. Just like you make a Standard Operating Manual at work. You’ll be lucky if she can read your manual, but even if she can’t , you can do her briefing faster without forgetting anything important. 

2) Love thy neighbor – or know them well at least

Networking :Your next best support system, after maids, believe it or not, are your neighbors. In big cities, it is fashionable to not know your neighbors or to meet them only at the society’s annual Diwali party. We have grown more connected but we don’t know what’s happening next to our houses. If this describes you, change it immediately. The same networking skills that you use at work, put them to practice in your building, in your block, on your street, in your colony.

Your neighbor can watch over your kid for a short while if you need to dash for something urgent. Or she/he can pop in to your house to check on your maid and kids. There might be an old lady staying closeby who might not mind if your maid took the baby to her house for a couple of hours or she came over.

Treat kids’ activity centers like you treat your industry networking events. This is where you will get to know other women (some working, some not working) who will give you numbers of day care centers, crèches, other helpful information and of course references for maids ! Store all numbers. Every single one.When in need, call every number on your list. Like Sales people do cold-calling.

3) When in need, don’t be shy, deploy the whole platoon

Spare no one who is willing to help you with anything. Friends, family, co-workers. Guard in the shop who agrees to watch the wandering kid while you are standing in the queue to pay. No one. A distant aunt who is willing to send food.  A friend who is ready to do a bit of shopping for you. Don’t feel guilty in taking their assistance. Just return the favor by helping others in need whenever you can.

Do not feel shy about taking your kid wherever you are going and if there is no one at home to take care of him/her. You can take her to the gym, to your office, to your class, to the restaurant, even to a meeting if you can see to it that you can do the meeting and not just sit outside tending to her. Ask a colleague or the guard to look after her as she sleeps or plays or drinks milk. Desperate times might need desperate measures.

4) Even a space-ship can be delivered at home

These days, in big cities, there’s nothing that will not be delivered at home. Including your Charles & Keith shoes that you had to send back to the showroom for a size exchange. You just have to ask. Medicines in the middle of the night, groceries, food, fruits, books, bread, condoms, hair color, you name it !

There are two kinds of home-deliveries. One, your local shops whose numbers you should always have ready on your phone and the other are the online businesses which have sprung up in every big city of India. If you have never ordered vegetables and phenyl etc online from a website like localbanya.com, eazygrocery.com, kaisediya.com, I suggest you try it out once. You will be hooked once you experience the convenience. You can shop for home linen, fish , sunglasses and new non-stick cookware all within 30 minutes without getting up even once. Use sites like Amazon, FabnFurnish, Firstcry and other e-comm sites every time you have to buy something. Even your favourite stores which happen to be 30 kms away from your house may have a website to order and your item will be delivered to you.E-shopping should be your first option, not just a new fun thing to do.

5) Someone else can do the running around for you

In places like Bombay, Delhi, there is no service that won’t come home. Beautician, Masseuse, Gardener, Gourmet Chef to cook food for your party at home, Bartender whoever you want.

There are services like Chachii, Getmypeon, At Your Service who will provide you with a person to collect documents, pay bills etc. Services like Hammer and Mop and TimeSaverz will send cleaners to clean your entire household. Good to use if the maid has decided to disappear and is not picking up her phone.

There are services like BadhaaiHo that will come home on festivals and special occasions to decorate your house in the way you want. They will support you and you will support their business. This is a win-win situation

6) Make Kids independent from an early age

If you wish to be a superwoman, train your kids to become superkids at an early age. Always give them an opportunity to do more than you expect them to do. They might just surprise you. Just like how a good supervisor pushes his/her team to reach their full potential. Here’s a list of what you can expect your kids to do as per their age.

7) Memory and Reference Aids

Manage documentation just like you do in office. Keep all small details in a notepad or else you will be wasting a lot of time later trying to recollect details. I know friends who use a camera to click pictures of all the stuff they are keeping in attics so when they start searching for it they can just refer to the pictures rather than opening the attic and taking everything out just to discover that the sought-for item isn’t there. Working women should not depend on memory for small matters. Your brains are busy with so many other matters.

Use technology – gadgets, internet, mobile apps to their maximum. Read and keep yourself updated aboutnew websites and services that you can make use of. Try the things that you or your mother have never done before. If something sounds totally outrageous, try that particular thing first of all.

Once we have got our support system in order, then we will find time for ourselves and go on a trip or two either with the kid or leaving the kids behind with the maid for a couple of days with the neighbor ensuring that he/she will keep an eye on both.