Nia-and-Vikram’s story was straight out of the romance novels. Quiet, homebody Nia falls in love with the adventurous Vikram. He brings excitement to her otherwise staid life and she brings stability to his. She listens to his stories for hours, revelling in the escapades she never had. They are the epitome of opposites who attract and believe they are two halves that complete each other.
Marriage happens and kids follow. A few years later, Nia and Vikram are on a downward spiral, each resentful of the pressures that bog them down. Nia wants a husband who will not run off to the next adventure at every chance, and will participate in family activities and live a simpler life, while Vikram feels chained and claustrophobic in this seemingly mundane existence. Their romantic notions of the perfect life were long forgotten.
Do opposites really attract? In school, we are taught the science of magnetism: Like-poles repel while opposites attract. We may be attracted to the type of personality who’s unlike us, but can we truly sustain these relationships?
There is a theory that we are drawn to opposing personalities because subconsciously, they fulfil those strengths that we lack. But in the long run, these relationships have many obstacles to be overcome if the partners have different core values.
Like Nia and Vikram, Soni and Jay also were complete opposites. Soni loved the quiet life whereas Jay enjoyed the party scene. Soni wanted well-planned comfortable holidays and Jay preferred spontaneous backpacking trips. Soni played it safe with her investments while Jay took calculated risks. With their many opposing qualities, they still had a successful relationship. The reason: When it came to major decisions, they were on the same page. Choices like the use of money, importance of investments, parenting style etc. were in tandem.
If both partners, even with differing personalities, have similar values where money, family, education and standard of living are concerned, they can have significantly successful relationships.
In the case of Nia and Vikram, their ideals were different. While they presumed the other was completing them, they did not anticipate long-term problems that could arise. Nia wanted stability; the thrill of jumping from one adventure to another without a proper income or job in their later years was not attractive. As for Vikram, he believed these experiences enriched his life much more than a daily 9-to-5 job ever would. Money was never of any significance to him.
Counsellors and psychologists have noted that though opposites often attract, these relationships do not always have an easy ride in the long run. There is a constant need for adaptation and flexibility, something that not all couples can effortlessly withstand.
While many successful relationships involve two people with common interests or from similar backgrounds, it does not mean that when opposites attract, they are doomed to fail. But they are in for a lot of hard work and compromise. So next time, weigh the options when you feel that pull of attraction for someone whose personality is the opposite of yours.
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