Disclaimer- This post is meant to question certain paradoxes (a mild word for ‘hypocrisies’) prevalent in the Indian society. Any resemblance to the possible manifestations of the topic being discussed is highly unlikely to be fictional.
While the title of the post and the disclaimer already give away the objective of the post, probably the contents would still be worth a read.
To set at the outset, this post is not applicable “only” to mothers, but our society as whole. Their role, however is extremely important in the perpetuation, or abandonment of these stereotypes and ideologies. “As far as parenting goes, once a girl attains puberty, virginity feels like the elephant in the room. Something every parent wants to acknowledge and protect but doesn’t want to address and strangely it only extends to the girl child. Mythology and popular culture have played their part in inculcating a gender-biased response to sex”, this article published in the Deccan Herald adds to the existing discourse about how it is high time that the society stops constructing a woman’s identity based solely, or mostly on the status of her virginity, and sexual choices.
For most (Indian) mothers, even the thought that their daughter might lose her virginity prior to marriage is unsettling enough to consider disowning her. While some may disagree, many would agree that this extreme reaction is indeed not far-fetched, or exaggerated. It is necessary to initiate more conversation about why speaking about sex, sexuality and “ideas on virginity” should stop being considered such a taboo. If not with the intention to change the cemented belief system of our preceding generation, to at least limit it to that generation and not be perpetuated by ours. It is astonishing how your sexual choices gain validation only once you are married – even if to a stranger! It is astonishing that most do not find that idea bizarre, however the thought that a responsible adult can make the choice of consensual sex for herself absolutely immoral and deplorable, to say the least.
The only way things will ever begin to change is through a process of dialogue and a process of ‘un-learning’ of ideas which society has ossified within us. And mind you, these ‘ideals’ are only for the girls to live up to, which makes the whole debate even more complex. Today, we need strong mothers who see the society for what it is, and raise women to believe that they are autonomous, independent beings – an independence which however, comes attached with a burden of responsibility. There is a need to stop treating matters pertaining to sex as the elephant in the room, and to build trust and conversations with our daughters (and sons!) wherein they are able to grow up with healthy views about what is a perfectly normal part of most peoples’ lives.
On a lighter note though, I do find it funny (or not) that the country which gave the world the (very graphic) sex dictionary that is the Kamasutra, and the country which has temples (very, very graphic) dedicated to worshipping the process of procreation, should have this entirely hypocritical side to it!