Komal Porecha shares her journey as a wife and as a mother. Her story of coming up with her book, 'Bringing Up Your Baby' exclusively with SHEROES.
I had never imagined that 33 years of my bohemian Bombay lifestyle would culminate into not only marriage; but that I would be mother to a gorgeous Boxer and a set of twins; a girl and a boy. I worshipped my work; design was my calling. Life was high octane between never ending deadlines and the much needed unwinding with friends at the end of each day. Even though I grew up in a family that was nurturing and yet gave me the space to evolve as a free thinking individual; marriage or kids were never a priority. But well, I did meet a man I knew I would never be bored living with. My move to Chennai was smooth and per say uneventful. I slid right back into work, till my husband expressed his desire to bring home a dog. After much deliberation we welcomed a Boxer pup with open arms and a few apprehensions. Life changed overnight. I discovered levels of attachment and caring that I never imagined I possessed. I was suddenly open to loving with everything I had in me and more importantly, was addicted to the unconditional love I received. I had started turning into a mother without even realising it.
Six months after bringing Champaklal (yes, we named him so) home, I decided to venture into having a baby. I do say “venture” because I treated it like the next thing on my To Do List! I told myself: how bad could it be? Little did I know what I was in for. At the end of my second month I discovered was carrying twins. I realized I had been spoofed again! From a free spirit, spontaneous maverick I suddenly seem to have the next 25 years structured and put forth before me. How was I ever going to deal with this: for myself, as an individual, as a work obsessed woman, as a wife.
For most of my adult working life I had only identified myself as a professional. My whole life had been my work and my recognition of the self, my confidence and my self worth came only from it. I never gave much importance to my role within my own family, with friends or any form of social standing which involved relationships or any other form of existence. I never really broke into wife mode in my head. And now there were these two little beings (actually three, including Champak) who had given me a completely lateral role. A role that allocated tremendous responsibility and would prove graciously gratifying as the years would pass by. For the first time in 34 years I was comfortable with an alternative recognition. It didn’t matter who I was, whether I was wrong or right, whether I changed my last name, whether I was socially and politically correct or incorrect; these three gave me all their love. They just loved for me for who I was. They loved all of me. And to me that was simply magical.
As a free lance writer I have written about design, décor, food, people and a whole plethora of topics. But when I started logging the twins, I realized I was validating my new found role. It was helping me unfold many a maternal bone in my body. I was developing a new found respect for women and the power of the womb. I am not someone who remembers the first time the twins turned over, or the first time they smiled. I hadn’t even realized my daughter had sprouted teeth till the mail pulled her jaw open to show them to me. We have maybe two pictures of ourselves as a family. And yet, I chronicled events during my pregnancy and the twins’ first year with total fervor. I wrote on pieces of paper lying around while I was feeding them. I keyed away on my cell phone while I waited at the hospital for their vaccinations. I wrote in my head during visits from boring relatives. And what I discovered was that there is always time to get done what you want to do. You just have to want it bad enough!