Dear Mom,
It almost seems as though life has come full circle, with me writing this letter to you. Today, as I sit far away from home and everything familiar, the only thing that grounds me is a very firm sense of my own self. And I owe this completely to you. It was you, after all, who brought me up to believe that being independent and financially secure should be my foremost priorities. But do you remember how you always used to tell me to put everybody else before me? That, that should be the essence of the kind of person I grow up to be – selfless and giving?
I could not agree with you more. And if everyone was brought up the same way you brought me up, the world would probably be a much kinder and compassionate place. However, dear mom, having seen a bit (very little actually) of the world myself, I have come to the conclusion that it is only when you put yourself first, and take care of yourself that you can make others happy and be dependent on no one but yourself for your own happiness. It is like that age old saying, how do you pour from your cup for others when it is empty? How would I discover my sense of purpose, how would I ensure I make the most of every day if I didn’t spend time on myself – if I didn’t love myself and care for myself?
Throughout my childhood, I have seen you making time for things that filled you up, like listening to music, or being particular about staying fit, taking care of your skin, and being immaculate about how you dress. Those are things I always have admired about you, but looking back I am filled with regret that you never had enough time to really do all the things you have wanted to. While you indulged in some things, you always made yourself feel like you do not deserve that indulgence – which is something I now realize is quite problematic. You have taught me to always be proud of myself. And I have taught myself to be proud of myself not just through what I do for others, but also through what I do for myself.
At times, I grant myself a lazy day. I wake up late and the first thing I do is put on music. I get ready at leisurely pace and wear my favorite fragrance – even if I am not going out anywhere. I brew myself a delicious cup of coffee, and settle down with a book. I cook myself a delicious meal – even though there won’t be anyone joining me. I buy myself some flowers because I so love to have them around, and at times I even bake myself a cake. And you know mom, more than anything else – I miss you, because those are things I would so love you to do for yourself.
I feel that is the independence you wanted me to succeed at achieving. And if there is anybody in this world I would like to share that independence with, it is you. Over centuries, us women have been conditioned to believe self-denial is a virtue. Well, it isn’t. While many things have changed and the circumstances are different, I firmly believe it is never too late, and I know you couldn’t agree more. So, dear mom, the value of self-care is truly invaluable and each of us owe it to ourselves. I’ll end my letter by telling you again that, it can never be too late to start caring for oneself, to start loving oneself. You have given your children and your family everything and more than you could have. Now it is time to start replenishing yourself.
Lovingly,
Your Daughter.