Travelling 4 hours every day for work and managing a house with a 10-month old is no easy job. It's tiring on the first three days of the week, exhausting on Thursdays and pushes you to escape to far-off places on Fridays. So getting a little help with household chores would be great in many ways. My husband does help around the house, BUT only when asked.
While managing the house on a particularly stressful day, I confronted my husband about not helping me. To which he replied, “You should have asked. I would have helped.”
This must be a common scene in many households. But do men know why we don't ask for help? Or rather cannot ask? There is more than one reason.
One is that plans don't always go the way you want them to. You go to make the bed, but find your kid's toys all over the room. You go to stuff them in the cupboard, but find the clothes in a disarray. And it’s a chain of actions from there on.
The second problem, and the more important one, is that you cannot manage a house the way you manage your company projects. Because if you did, then all your time would be spent in planning things and there would be very less time left to actually do them!
The issue of more relevance here is the mental load on women. Men subconsciously assume that women are in charge of the house, the household chores and so, it is her duty to make note of anything that is required. Whether it's time for the weekly grocery purchase, where the kids’ diapers are, if the pipe in the kitchen sink is leaking - anything and everything!
This has been brilliantly explained by Emma, a French illustrator, in a comic titled - You Should’ve Asked.
One day, we may resort to a role-reversal at home to let the men have a taste of their own medicine. But that won’t last for long. Because then the house will be in a turmoil with no one knowing what to do and women will be grappled by guilty feelings!